happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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