The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
