She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
