why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
