can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
