I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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