Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
