If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
