nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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