it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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