Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
