My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
