Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
