god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
