Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
