My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Randomize
