The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
