Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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