You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
