Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
