Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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