After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
