i barfeds in our rink
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
