So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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