I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
