I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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