you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
