im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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