the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
