About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
