Pants 0. Shit 1.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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