I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
