Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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