Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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