Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
