yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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