After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
