Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
