i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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