if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
