your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
