Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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