I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
