This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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