i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
