I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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