smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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