I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
