did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have fence marks all over my body
I need a beard to bite.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
