Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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